maybe i should try out using headings mid-entry even though i think they’re very unnecessary and extra
significant change of plans; upping daily sears & zemansky completion quota
so apparently sears & zemansky (this is too long i will henceforth be referring to it as just sears) is a whopping 44 chapters--which means with an average of two to three days per chapter, it would take between 88 and 132 days cover to cover, assuming no zero days off. that is NOT going to cut it.
so i’ve decided to cut down on per-chapter exercise completion rate and try to do an average of one day per chapter. with one or two days off a week, it would take around two months to finish, which is not horrible. taking sears to cover content equivalent to undergrad physics i and ii and a standard school year to be 10 months… that rate is average at best. i’ll just try to do two at a time when i can later…
um
so i think i also don’t like the idea of using headings mid-entry because i jump around so much that having headings would leave many headings with little if any body text without completely changing my style or considerable filtering. that’s not really something i think is worth changing my natural flow for given that there’s really no reason for these entries to be made very accessible and easy to consume but i’ll try it for one day. i was going to say that… see i actually forgot.
finding places to study
has been such an unexpected issue here. in big cities or a college campus there will always be the crowded mainstream places but it’s never hard to find several good secret spots around. here? less libraries or cafes makes sense but a complete paucity of public park picnic tables or even diners or grocery store seating is so jarring; i’d never even considered that other states might not have these things?? the cafes are filled with tourists and have very limited seating and parking; libraries are few, tiny, usually filled with homeless, and also have very limited seating. i have found but one stable spot with short opening hours, beaches which aren’t very convenient for six-hour sessions, and the rad-onc building on the rare times my father has to go in on the weekend. two things, the only two things left to try, i have not explored yet but really need to are hotel lobbies and fast food places; i’m not too hopeful on the latter. time to dress like a tourist i guess.
i’d actually get reviled by the people from here for stating these facts lol. not going to get into that. the transplant population is large enough that they can stay within their circles and the two sides don’t really need to mix in the day-to-day. not great for their economic state but not going to get into that either lmao.
if this moment is a miracle and someone is actually reading this please let me know if you have any ideas… help
yeah i'm not going to do mid-entry headings like this anymore
unless it would actually make something clearer
so the email i sent to the orchestra to clear up how they do their chamber stuff was finally replied to; he asked me to fucking CALL. sybau bro i am not calling anyone. i’d fucking email and write letters and cancel my phone plan to not have to call people. seeing the words “phone call” in any sort of message actually makes me want to smash it.
learned that the hyper noisy mashup style i like is called reizokocore
if i could kin a genre that would probably be it. i don’t really kin characters tbh. on the surface i look quite calm but i’m just chronically suppressed and probably setting myself up for being chronically ill. sometimes i am inhibition final boss; other times i am actually just zoning out or unbothered. no one knows… i am so mysterious… who are you? who am i? i don’t know… no one knows… that’s the fuck of it all…
day 1 of piano; started czerny yesterday
i hate chords dude. usually when i sightread a note or chord, it directly triggers association with a sound and a set of potential finger/hand positions on the fingerboard, and the only decision i need to make on that side (not considering bowing/tone) is which one of the positions i want to use. there’s no intermediate step that involves any level of processing about what the note name/names is/are, what the key is, what inversion a chord is in, etc. with piano there is nothing automatic like that yet; there exists no mental map. so if it’s a chord, i have to read every note, identify the key, position my fingers correctly, and then play.
now that i write it out though i think i just need scales/arpeggios/inversion reps in the various keys. i never had to go through such a phase with the violin; they’re just notes. like i have never understood how this type or level of theory would help me at all as a player tbh; tf is the point of harmonic analysis for a non-composing-student…
i don’t know how to function in a community
i am so fucking uncomfortable being in groups and i have to start learning to be my weird self in public or i will ghost every group i join after at most a month. i am going to try something new and quit within a month every month. the fact is that in today’s world that is 100% doable until i die, even if i did (impossible) live a full-length life. so i might just be this way forever.
this is is so bad i hate this format
it’s making me angry and negative. or i was already angry and negative.
did you eat your veggies today?
i didn’t so i’m gonna go do that now.
just kidding i’m actually not.
nighty fucking night bitches
~
signing off,
six
created:
last updated: 2025-10-19T19:23:26.242Z